I don't know why I am writing this I just felt like I needed to get it out send it out there and if I do maybe this time will finally be different then the others.This time I will finally change, this time I will finally finish something I started. Before I got sick this past week I feel off the wagon well to be honest when I went to California I fell off the wagon I ate good while I was in California but when I got back the working out stopped the eating wasn't the best decisions.
(This past summer at my old boutique job)
(Last years family beach trip.)
(Visiting a friend this past summer in Kentucky)
(Me just a few months ago)
I keep looking through old photos and even during those times I was still struggling to get healthy and loose this weight I have put on. I have this vision in my head of the person I want to be she feels like a dream and so unattainable. I get these spurts where I say this time will be different I think I said that on here already and yet again I failed that it wasn't different it was just like every other time id stick with it for a few weeks then id go out of town or do something where it threw me off or tempted with something I knew I shouldn't be eating. Id always say "i'll start tomorrow" "I'll start on monday". After going to the doctor last weekend and being weighed my mouth actually dropped I was in shock (thankfully the nurse wasn't looking when I did that) I remember when I was in high school I think I weighed around 115 lbs and thought I was so fat I would go days without eating I remember my mom catching me and telling me her story of her doing that for years and what it did to her, So she sat me down and made sure I ate. When I think about it now what I would give to be that size again.
Last night I was watching biggest loser which was a total sob fest (there were tissues involved) There was a part in the episode where each contestant went home and got video these dvd's that had interviews of themselves from when they first arrived on the ranch. A lot of the things they said I could relate to. They all have changed so much and look amazing.I guess I was always waiting for that moment to hit you when you know something needs to change I think thats maybe why it never stuck. This time feels different somehow like I can't turn back I cant keep eating how I have been I just cant, I need to make working out a part of my life and yes at first its going to feel like work, there will be days when I just don't want to work out but I will force myself to do it because after words I will be proud that I pushed myself. And I wanted an incentive so I set a goal for myself Id like to loose 5 lbs in a month starting today and if I loose that 5lbs I will reward myself with these pretty Jessica simpson shoes that I have been drooling over ever since I saw them on both elise & miss james blogs.
Last night I had a dream I was working out with Hannah from the biggest loser and DAMN did I look amazing in my dream. It was one of those dreams that felt so real so when I woke up I was so pumped up for this change. And knowing I can't go back I cant keep going on like this I just can't I will change my ways I will finish something from start to finish I will finish and reach my goal. It will be hard its all about one day at a time one foot in front of the other. But I need to do this for myself not for anyone else for me. Now that I've got that out and off my chest and ready to finally change I am off to get my work out on I plan on doing Level 1 and 2 of Jillian's 30 day shred I did it yesterday it was pretty intense but I did it and felt like I was going to just fall over and die at one point but if I don't push myself it wont get easier. So I plan on doing her workouts every day besides sunday's those are my resting days. I will alternate between the 30 day shred and yoga meltdown and mix in some hiking trips here and there. That was a pretty long post phew I hope everyone is enjoying their days its sunny out here so I'm thinking its a perfect day to wash my car its black but its more of a grey-ish color right now. And I hope these allergies stay in check I've been keeping up on my allergy meds so fingers crossed.